I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me
It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me
i caught a bus today.
alright - i do this quite often for uni.
but today i did it for leisure reasons.
how i do not miss having to catch public transport all the time.
i suppose its bizare.
but i don't see how everybody does it.
whilst i actually enjoyed catching the bus today.
because the weather was beautiful.
and i wore shorts and a singlet.
okay - this was probably because i wanted the weather to be good.
better than the never ending winter we've had.
seriously - could it have been any longer?
but back on to my topic.
i don't know how people my age, can stand not having their license.
i drive to work. x 4.
i don't drive to uni - because it would be a death sentence.
but i drive everywhere and anywhere i can.
freedom.
to do as i feel.
i hate how limited it is because i don't have my own car.
but not to have my licence?
would be killer.
well - maybe not. but definitely a lot less convienent.
have work tomorrow.
first proper work shift i've had all holidays.
which in itself is bizare.
seems majority of my jobs end with holidays.
makes sense from cpca point of view.
trying to quit brumbys. so i cant complain about that.
turns out my second job is hiring.
bought a new booth.
party@funkyfotobooths.com
email them if you want a job.
its pretty good.
definitely can't complain.
hope you are all well :)
the bane of my existance. the best things in the world.
the reason i survived a night without my boyfriend.
the reason i love another night with legs and cynic
2 bottles of wine.
brie.
home made burritos for dinner.
apple pie dessert.
toy story 3 uno.
playing pool.
discussing life.
sex. love.
and everything in between.
mmm.
in relation to legs blog (one which i suggest EVERYBODY read)
it was an evening.
a moment.
that i was able to enjoy it within the moment.
and how i love them both for it.
brunch of champions.
salami and cheese toasties.
cookie dough and then cookies.
more toy story 3 uno.
enjoying conversations i have longed for awhile.
and that is why,
some friendships - are overwhelming.
So.
It was a fairly hectic weekend.
house warming of one of the coolest people i've met at uni on friday night.
drinks and walking around carlton.
entertaining :)
spending time with cynic and legsit had been a while.
getting home and squishing the 3 of us into one bed.
it was joyous :)
although.
slightly frustrating, because 3rd wheeling, is okay, if you know you have your own partner to hold onto sometime soon.
that was slightly upsetting to realize it was not the case :(
less than 50 days now.
just.
blurrrghhh.
saturday, well, it was the grand final of course.
i was meant to have work.
or so i thought.
got there - realized nobody else was - and discovered its next weekend.
awkward?
i think so.
saving grace?
i spent pretty much the entire afternoon and night skyping with india - in china :P
thank goodness for that.
although.
its much like when i was younger.
i never felt home sick because i never spoke to my loved ones whilst i was away.
i feel like one of the other children now.
as much as i love talking to him, and seeing him.
it doesn't help that fact that i wont get to actually touch him again, for quite some time.
:(
yesterday. sunday. my cousin got married.
my cousin - closest in age to myself.
she is 20.
i feel so much older now.
have i really reached that stage in my life?
when people start getting married?
you know what i mean.
theres the 18ths, and 21sts, and then marriage?
how did i get to marriages, before 21sts?
gah. i feel so old.
it was a beautiful wedding though.
outside.
beautiful sunny day.
could not have asked for anything greater.
and she deserved every moment of it.
i do wish them all the best.
they are an amazing couple.
trish and rikki (chad).
i realized something else.
in the past 12 months i've been to 3 weddings.
and never been single at any of those times, but yet went alone to all of them.
this was however, in all my history of weddings,
the first time i was at a reception completely alone.
having no one to dance with, when all the couples get up to dance.
it kindof makes me miss him all over again.
just somebody to be there.
*sigh*
being less girly as of...
NOW.
:D
on my way back to gossip girl.
finally seen all of season 3.
onto the two epsiodes of season 4 that are out.
i'm actually upset.
i dont like having to wait for episodes to be aired.
i can only really watch television shows all at once...
sortof like a really long movie.
anyways - this was procrastination (so whats new)
so i best get back to my chemisty. :/
 |
| For Rikki and Trish <3 |
you make me all sweaty.
when i leave, i can barely walk.
I constantly hate you, and wish never to see you.
and yet, when i do, i know its for the better.
i feel better.
happier even.
and yet i know next time my alarm goes off i wont want to get out of bed.
but i will. (hopefully)
and the cycle continues.
i am of course talking about the gym.
that lovely place.
which i have not been in much too long.
i think its interesting.
that i feel this way about it.
i know i'm putting myself through a slight element of torture everytime i go.
but i enjoy it so much.
it makes me feel alive, and happy.
that would be the endorphins talking.
but seriously.
why then, when i should know how i will feel afterwards, do i constantly have to force myself to go?
to find the time?
i have plenty of time.
and yet i tell myself i have none...
its ridiculous.
and lazy.
but also curious.
what is it, that makes us act this way?
i would like to blame society.
but i know thats not it, well not completely anyway.
so what is it?
good question.
maybe that biological instinct to protect oneself from harm...
i mean, it DOES hurt, given thats the point.
but still.
wouldn't biology be able to see in the long run (lol pun) its saving my life?
clearly not.
anyway, thats my little confusing, somewhat philisopical question for today.
off to party down with the girls tonight.
well if vet is alive by tonight...
:(
exhaustion.so i got a new layout.
because i felt like a change.
also a new title.
because in all honesty.
i dont think i was ever "ending silence"
or maybe to begin with.
but i dont NEED to anymore.
probably because i am much happier now.
but anyways.
new title.
new layout.
may change it again soon.
just couldnt bring myself to change it TOO much.
i was quite attached afterall.
xx
p.s i don't think its a coincidence that when my boyfriend has been out of the country i've been much more attached to this... not in the slightest.
I bought a purple foam hat.
and wasted money on rollercoasters.
and lollies that i don't like all that much.
and watching a person on fire dive 8metres.
but it was worth it.
want to know why?
sometimes, the value of things is more than we realize.
whilst the 3minutes i spent on rides probably wasn't worth the money i spent...
the 5hours spent with 3 other awesome individuals was.
experiencing the same rush, laughter, embarassment.
who cares if i look silly with a hat on?
who cares if i have less money than i wanted to.
think about it.
why do we have money?
to spend.
and althought it was an overpriced event.
it was worth every cent i spent.
because i had the greatest time.
screaming my lungs out 40 feet in the air.
buying $2.5 hats that get me compliments from a beer wench.
listening to police bands, who honestly exceed expectations.
but mostly.
spending time with 3 fairly amazing individuals.
1 of whom... i often do not give enough credit.
credit for being the amazing individual she is.
for standing beside me, even though she is more than FULLY aware of all my insecurities, insanities and down right ludicrous attributes.
and this is why i love vet
:)
1 down. 53 to go.
so tempting to post about my happenings.
about my emotions. feelings.
sappy girl crap.
but instead, i ask you dearest blogger, what makes a good blog?
there are many blogs i reveer as interesting and insightful.
ones i wished posted more frequently.
or with more writing.
or some that i wished had more pictures.
but the point is: each blog is different.
unique even.
what makes one worth reading more?
whats something i could do to make this blog better?
i suppose its not particularly worth worrying about.
its just a blog.
but still an intriquing question.
im currently sitting in my parents office.
printing lecture notes that i plan to study.
utilizing time that i can no longer spend - well... better :P
got my hair cut and coloured.
but i suppose it has made me realize.
its the little things i miss already.
being able to send a text.
to show off my hair, or just complain about my boredom.
you are always the one i talk to.
and you're not here.
sarah. stop. being. such. a.
girl.
gah.
going to melbourne show tomorrow.
and getting my drink on friday night :)
work on saturday.
wedding on sunday.
busy busy busy
i suppose thats a plus actually.
i need to stay busy, and maybe it will be less obvious.
maybe.
its funny how much something so small can affect us.
honestly, at the start of the year i promised myself i wouldnt let this happen.
new years resolution: don't fall in love
stupid really
but i definitely didnt want to rely on anybody else.
purely because i knew how much it hurt to have to let that go.
and yet here i am.
having let my guard down. thankfully.
because it led to one of the greatest things in my life.
however unintentional it was.
and yet now - although in a very different situation - i feel it all over again.
the small things are gone.
resting my head on his chest.
holding his hand.
tickle fights.
laughter.
tears.
snuggles.
the best snuggles.
random text messages.
sometimes only a few metres away.
i know it will be back this time...
but in the mean time?
i must wait i suppose.
and wait i shall.
xx
so it seems.
that in 2weeks from tomorrow... i will have to survive independently for awhile.
hmm.
sounds kinda crazy.
i do things independently all the time.
by choice.
but i don't WANT to do this.
i just am - because, well, because its what is happening :(
basically India leaves for china for 2 months.
confusing country swap.
i know.
and i feel like such a girl for how i feel about it.
gah.
but basically. all in all.
im nervous.
whilst 2 months is short, and will probably go quickly.
a lot can happen in 2months.
a lot can change in 2months.
i don't know if im just over analysing.
but how can i go from seeing somebody everyday for 2months straight - to not at all for another 2?
bly5rwadscdbgtdscchwedxzcn.
in other news.
i quit one my jobs.
:D
well - it was about time really.
sleep was definitely needed.
i probably haven't actually quit yet.
i sent in an email of resignation last night.
i haven't been home to check for a reply :S
but in theory i only have 3 shifts left at that job.
WOOOO.
(note: it will probably be more)
i also started a tutoring gig.
i should have 3 kids a week now.
so - in actual fact i replaced one job with another.
but this one pays better. and i get less hours.
essentially same amount of money for 1/2 the hours.
and no stress.
and no early mornings.
and i actually have fun.
aaaahhh
yay :)
i. like. money.
im also a work-a-holic.
im also addicted to everything i enjoy...
which is mildly disconcerting.
but only mildly. problematic when it means you don't sleep.
twas 6months on sunday.
which is both no time at all.
and a substantial amount of time rolled into one.
i really will miss you.
